Dear Partners,

Do you sometimes get frustrated when people don’t comply with your desires, or agree with your brilliant ideas?

If so, read on to find out how staying detached from an outcome may just be the secret to getting more of what you want!

When we’re attached to wanting something a certain way, we’re more likely to come at it with ‘push energy’. Often this will produce the opposite result.

In these cases where we’re attached to something, it is possible to increase the likelihood of getting it. Unfortunately, it requires us to act in a manner counterintuitive to how we want to behave.

Step 1. Become aware of and realise that you want what you want, that you are attached to things going a certain way. This is moving you from unconscious to conscious awareness of your attachment.

The irony is by simply becoming conscious of and acknowledging you’re attached to wanting a certain result, makes you slightly less attached to it.

(Isn’t that crazy!) You’ll begin to loosen your grip on a specific outcome or desire, which creates a tiny bit of space and freedom within.

This shift (creating the space) changes the energy in your body and your attitude. The person in front of you can feel this shift as well, which frequently causes them to reduce their resistance or attachment to what they want.

Of course, there are plenty of times in life where it seems like that thing that you want absolutely must happen. If so, this approach may feel even more frustrating. Ironically, the more you detach from something, the more likely you’ll get the result you want.

Imagine this example. The weekend has arrived and you really want to go out for dinner, and you know your partner usually prefers to relax at home. By you becoming aware that you’re fixed on this specific outcome, you begin to create space.

Step 2. Acknowledge to yourself what you’re feeling (e.g. anxious, anticipation, concern). By naming your feelings you’re tapping into emergency self-empathy, which can help shift the energy further and improve the chance of a positive outcome!

Step 3. Consider telling the other person what it is you’re attached to wanting. (A confession of sorts). It’s important that you say this in a way that is absent of pressure or expectation that they must comply. 

“Since it’s Friday I was hoping we’d go out to dinner, and I realize you might prefer to eat at home…rock, paper, scissors??” 

Adding a playful element and poking a bit of fun at your ‘attachment’ might be enough to inspire the other to give you what you want.

Unfortunately, there will be plenty of times when the person doesn’t comply with your desires. What’s critical is that you don’t punish them for this (for example, passive aggressive comments or being emotionally distant). When you accept an alternative outcome with a positive attitude, you foster good will. As a result, they may be more willing to give you what you want in the future.

Less expectation equals less disappointment and who doesn’t want more of that!

Happy Partnering,

Amy

Join me for my free Masterclasses online this summer. You can attend both events via LinkedIn. 

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